Letters From A Soldier. May 2002

We all have that first love that just didn't work no matter how hard you try... That young love where the world is still filled with the idea that this first love was going to last forever and be nothing but a fairytale and instead it turns to tears and falls apart and it crushes you so bad but you eventually grow up. You grow up and learn to let go. Learn that life goes on and your going to keep on living and trying to make it in a great big world all by yourself. Life doesn't wait on you. Wow... And guess what.. I made a lot of messed up choices in my life after all that happened. But, oh well. If I didn't, then I wouldn't have nothing to write about now would I? Ok, yeah that was a little bit of  ranting but anyways...... Once upon a time.... Back in 2000, i was like 20 and for some dumb reason.... I couldn't tell you why now.... I wanted to piss my Grandma off so I did the worst possible thing I could imagine at the time and joined the carnival. Lord knows i didn't last but a couple days but in those couple days I met Lief. He wasn't cute to me at all... At that time.... He grew on me tho because he had the kindest sweetest heart I had really ever met at the time.... Like I said... We didn't have no where to go... I had just got out the Air Force earlier that year, mind you I was only in for a month. The longest month of my life but thats a whole nother story.  So I decided to go see my Mom and her horrible no good husband of the time and try to patch up a relationship. I don't think I spoke to them in a couple years before that. But, I decided to suck up my hatred and talk to them because I knew his mother had just passed and she left behind this little bitty shit hole of a house and we needed somewhere to stay. That house was made for short people I swear cuz the ceiling where so low some places I actually had to duck to walk through. It was bad. The house was nasty but it was all we could do at the time. We cleaned it up and made the best of it. We were young and in love so we were happy. So happy in fact, we decided we wanted a baby and we weren't gonna give up til we got one.  Well thats when we got pregnant with Sariah. We moved to a little town a little down the road in Iowa. Got an apartment an got some pretty big fights. His older brother stayed with us for a while... Drank like a fish.... I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing....but in June we had Sariah. Well four months later we got married at the encouragement of his Mormon Father and Step-Mother. Moved in to a farm house and a  few weeks later I just knew I was pregnant again. Leif's temper was something I really couldn't deal with through that time. Every time I had to wake him up I would have to hear all the most volgur names He could find. But he did love his family... I think. To be honest who really knew what love was really like back then.... True or fiction? I don't  know. But a few months later he was gone. Off to the Army.... Now wasn't that a journey..... A huge path I was about to walk down. A big part of me learning about life and a peace of my life just like others.... That seems like it all never really happened.... Like it was an old tv series i remember watching long ago.... Anyway like I said.... Change is something I do on a daily basis. Call me crazy..... But hey, thats me. So without further adoo... I give you.....

Letters From A Soldier...